Some Standup

28 03 2013

I have a few more dates in the next few months on the Sunset Strip club the Comedy Store.





15 08 2012

“A”

 

 

“A” is for Alvarado. Yes, the famous street that runs right by Mac Arthur Park, the Beverly needle exchange and some other dope spots, so to speak. I’ve spent a lot of time in all those types of places. And just what goes down in that part of town?

 

Well, for one you can always buy a pack of bootleg Marloboro Reds, Camel filters, or most of your choice cigarettes, on the cheap, right on the corner of Wilshire and Alvarado. Are you a regular? Oh yes, find the whole carton for $25-$35. Sure, it’s illegal-and a great deal if you have your wits about you and don’t mind the occasional Chinese or Mexican pack tasting a little like burning wood. But over time you get used to it. Get a good connect and you may never taste the bad stuff.

 

Could you really ask for more? You can. In fact at any given time, young white kids can be spotted down there trying to get a fake ID. But not just the young and caucasian are buying these ID’s. You could be an illegal alien or just want a new identity for a minute. Or fuck it, maybe you’re an old guy who wants to appear younger for the school girls. I don’t know what particular inspiration, one may have but you can build yourself anew right across from the park. And if you want that Social Security Card to go with your new ID—no problem—they got you too.

 

The down side is being offered these treats every ten feet or so can get real old fast. The paisas will not recognize as you continue to say, “no, man I’m good” everyday of your life. We are talking years of this and you’d think they’d get the picture. I guess a salesman is salesman no matter what. After all, we are all potential clients and you never know when one is going to want to impersonate an 18 year-old kid and get with some teenage girls.

 

Now in the 1980’s, the 90’s and the early part of this century, you could actually go to a few of the many lunch trucks surrounding Alvarado. One in particular used to sell tacos for 50¢ that truly kicked ass. I used to drink a lot of beer and smoke much weed at a couple of different apartments and houses I lived in and the walk for munchies was quick and fun. For the low price of $2.50 the old appetite was quickly history. The other trucks in the neighborhood were just all right. Well, one in particular was much better than any other truck that I have ever come across.

 

Another excellent truck was located on the corner of Alvarado and Wilshire. Now that was a lunch truck. Let me tell you about that awesome deal. All you had to do was step right up, order your white and you be on your way. That’s right, I said “white”.  Oh, I thought you wanted some powder cocaine for the low price of just $5.00.  You may have been able to pick up some smack there too but I always went around the corner off of Westlake.

 





What a Wonderful World?

26 05 2012

This day felt like one bad warning after another. We crossed town, city to beach to city never leaving the city. Los Angeles is traffic, not that light weight shit. Heavy hitting traffic, looking over my shoulder while sitting in the passenger seat type thing. Never a good feeling. It may have been the fact that I had been up for a few days, thinking and such.

All day I thought something horrible was about to happen. My life, as usual, was in a place I thought should not exist. Where did it all come from? Who was the woman driving the car?  Who was the kid in the back seat? Why am I the passenger? Where the fuck are we going? Can’t we just sleep? Fuck, this has to be hell, right?

The only form of relief, at this point, could be what I think a deadly blast of a shot-gun would bring to me. Anxiety at its worst. A long time before that it would have been a fight. That day would only allow me to consume a cigarette and a beer, maybe, if that woman would just keep quiet and stop making me run errands with her. But hey, I think, I  am just a passenger on this doomed flight so what do I know?

Here we are speeding down the 10 fwy east in the right lane. Why we are driving this fast is beyond me. The rest of the freeway is at a near halt. Zoom zoom zoom.

“I told you we would be fine”

Oh, Godwhat the fuck?”, I mutter under my breath.

My chest is killing me now. This hurts so much. Heartache in my head. Nothing is right. Traffic sucks. I am sure God hates me. Why are we even alive? Kick me please…no kick her. She is ruining my fucking life…shut the fuck up, please. I need another cigarette. I need more chemicals. I need not be here now or ever.

BRAKES! Right on time, no accident here. Wait, what the fuck is in the rear view? Yup, we are going to be rear-ended. Nice…SLAM. Thank you, Jesus, I finally feel okay.

“See, I told you something bad was going to happen. Just drive away, please. Car still runs so just drive home. Pretend like you’re going to pull over but don’t.”





We Can Think Whatever We Want.

5 04 2012

There was a time when I knew what kind of person I really was. Actually, there were a few times. Most of these pockets of reality happened a few decades or so ago. Probably around 5yrs old I knew I was just a kid. Then, maybe later, around 15 or so, all I had to do was listen to music and ride my skateboard. Those were pretty harmless times in life.

Other than that, I have only had a fantasy of the kind of person I have grown into. Maybe “grown into” is not the right phrase by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, I would argue that the correct phrase is “the kind of person I have shrunk into in order to get-by”.

For instance, being a highly critical person, rarely do I have to look at myself. Sure, I can point out the inefficiencies of our local government or what a fuct up person you are, all the while giving some piss-poor excuse for my lack of accomplishments (whether they are good or bad makes no difference).

Hey, look at that shiny fucking object. Who gives a fuck? Go stab someone.





Another Highjacking

23 10 2011


Can we all agree it is all relative? Let’s move from there and I will make a point. Big things change slowly, while you, personally, may feel karma, if you buy that shit, instantaneously. Well, let’s talk about the stealing of  a meal and a holiday. I won’t argue the whole state but I wouldn’t want LA to be one big TJ, which is no good to anyone.

The burrito, I would argue, is an american classic, right up there with pizza. But I suppose it hasn’t always been this way. Sure, America fuct it up with Taco Bell and ran with it all the way to Baja Fresh. Now burritos have lettuce and shit inside of them. Ugh, fuck lettuce.

What is the deal with the Mexican holiday, Día de los Muertos? The day of the dead sounds satanic to me and you know how America loves the Devil himself.  We are so obsessed with that guy, that we have almost stolen the Mexican holiday and all but claimed it for ourselves.

We all know history and yes, if we like it, we’ll take it. Whatever it is at the time…

I want that slice…





Err America

18 10 2011

When I fly, which is not that often, depression sets in a few moments. You get a real taste of America and it would appear not all that interesting. It is so boring to look at the average American Suit going back and forth in the sky , from meeting to meeting or sale to sale. Sure, some people are nice to look, a few are even okay to interact with, the destination is always a good break, so I suppose that does make up for the feeling of overwhelming disgust.

More interesting in the sky and the rooms that get you there are the international travelers. The lone traveler, when not angry-looking, is also relatively intriguing. Even the drunks are fun to watch.

Not fun, the average American Suit, taking up space.





So Liberal You Are Conservative

10 10 2011

Want to organize and let us know what is wrong with society? Call yourself liberal and let the world have it. It really is funny how much control the people want and are willing to organize, in order to make me listen to yet another set of rules. What makes you think I want your rules implemented in my life?

If it were up to me there would be no gun control, all drugs would be legal and the Wild West rules would be fully applicable. Seeing as how I understand my process is screwed, I do not understand why people cannot see the flaws in their own personal philosophies. To this blogger, the flaws are obvious and outright.

Even my philosophies would have its flaws and nothing would ever get done. If I were in charge, the wheel would not have even gotten invented. I would have kept putting it off until later.








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