Some Standup

28 03 2013

I have a few more dates in the next few months on the Sunset Strip club the Comedy Store.


What a Wonderful World?

26 05 2012

This day felt like one bad warning after another. We crossed town, city to beach to city never leaving the city. Los Angeles is traffic, not that light weight shit. Heavy hitting traffic, looking over my shoulder while sitting in the passenger seat type thing. Never a good feeling. It may have been the fact that I had been up for a few days, thinking and such.

All day I thought something horrible was about to happen. My life, as usual, was in a place I thought should not exist. Where did it all come from? Who was the woman driving the car?  Who was the kid in the back seat? Why am I the passenger? Where the fuck are we going? Can’t we just sleep? Fuck, this has to be hell, right?

The only form of relief, at this point, could be what I think a deadly blast of a shot-gun would bring to me. Anxiety at its worst. A long time before that it would have been a fight. That day would only allow me to consume a cigarette and a beer, maybe, if that woman would just keep quiet and stop making me run errands with her. But hey, I think, I  am just a passenger on this doomed flight so what do I know?

Here we are speeding down the 10 fwy east in the right lane. Why we are driving this fast is beyond me. The rest of the freeway is at a near halt. Zoom zoom zoom.

“I told you we would be fine”

Oh, Godwhat the fuck?”, I mutter under my breath.

My chest is killing me now. This hurts so much. Heartache in my head. Nothing is right. Traffic sucks. I am sure God hates me. Why are we even alive? Kick me please…no kick her. She is ruining my fucking life…shut the fuck up, please. I need another cigarette. I need more chemicals. I need not be here now or ever.

BRAKES! Right on time, no accident here. Wait, what the fuck is in the rear view? Yup, we are going to be rear-ended. Nice…SLAM. Thank you, Jesus, I finally feel okay.

“See, I told you something bad was going to happen. Just drive away, please. Car still runs so just drive home. Pretend like you’re going to pull over but don’t.”

We Can Think Whatever We Want.

5 04 2012

There was a time when I knew what kind of person I really was. Actually, there were a few times. Most of these pockets of reality happened a few decades or so ago. Probably around 5yrs old I knew I was just a kid. Then, maybe later, around 15 or so, all I had to do was listen to music and ride my skateboard. Those were pretty harmless times in life.

Other than that, I have only had a fantasy of the kind of person I have grown into. Maybe “grown into” is not the right phrase by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, I would argue that the correct phrase is “the kind of person I have shrunk into in order to get-by”.

For instance, being a highly critical person, rarely do I have to look at myself. Sure, I can point out the inefficiencies of our local government or what a fuct up person you are, all the while giving some piss-poor excuse for my lack of accomplishments (whether they are good or bad makes no difference).

Hey, look at that shiny fucking object. Who gives a fuck? Go stab someone.

Another Highjacking

23 10 2011

Can we all agree it is all relative? Let’s move from there and I will make a point. Big things change slowly, while you, personally, may feel karma, if you buy that shit, instantaneously. Well, let’s talk about the stealing of  a meal and a holiday. I won’t argue the whole state but I wouldn’t want LA to be one big TJ, which is no good to anyone.

The burrito, I would argue, is an american classic, right up there with pizza. But I suppose it hasn’t always been this way. Sure, America fuct it up with Taco Bell and ran with it all the way to Baja Fresh. Now burritos have lettuce and shit inside of them. Ugh, fuck lettuce.

What is the deal with the Mexican holiday, Día de los Muertos? The day of the dead sounds satanic to me and you know how America loves the Devil himself.  We are so obsessed with that guy, that we have almost stolen the Mexican holiday and all but claimed it for ourselves.

We all know history and yes, if we like it, we’ll take it. Whatever it is at the time…

I want that slice…

Err America

18 10 2011

When I fly, which is not that often, depression sets in a few moments. You get a real taste of America and it would appear not all that interesting. It is so boring to look at the average American Suit going back and forth in the sky , from meeting to meeting or sale to sale. Sure, some people are nice to look, a few are even okay to interact with, the destination is always a good break, so I suppose that does make up for the feeling of overwhelming disgust.

More interesting in the sky and the rooms that get you there are the international travelers. The lone traveler, when not angry-looking, is also relatively intriguing. Even the drunks are fun to watch.

Not fun, the average American Suit, taking up space.

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