What a Wonderful World?

26 05 2012

This day felt like one bad warning after another. We crossed town, city to beach to city never leaving the city. Los Angeles is traffic, not that light weight shit. Heavy hitting traffic, looking over my shoulder while sitting in the passenger seat type thing. Never a good feeling. It may have been the fact that I had been up for a few days, thinking and such.

All day I thought something horrible was about to happen. My life, as usual, was in a place I thought should not exist. Where did it all come from? Who was the woman driving the car?  Who was the kid in the back seat? Why am I the passenger? Where the fuck are we going? Can’t we just sleep? Fuck, this has to be hell, right?

The only form of relief, at this point, could be what I think a deadly blast of a shot-gun would bring to me. Anxiety at its worst. A long time before that it would have been a fight. That day would only allow me to consume a cigarette and a beer, maybe, if that woman would just keep quiet and stop making me run errands with her. But hey, I think, I  am just a passenger on this doomed flight so what do I know?

Here we are speeding down the 10 fwy east in the right lane. Why we are driving this fast is beyond me. The rest of the freeway is at a near halt. Zoom zoom zoom.

“I told you we would be fine”

Oh, Godwhat the fuck?”, I mutter under my breath.

My chest is killing me now. This hurts so much. Heartache in my head. Nothing is right. Traffic sucks. I am sure God hates me. Why are we even alive? Kick me please…no kick her. She is ruining my fucking life…shut the fuck up, please. I need another cigarette. I need more chemicals. I need not be here now or ever.

BRAKES! Right on time, no accident here. Wait, what the fuck is in the rear view? Yup, we are going to be rear-ended. Nice…SLAM. Thank you, Jesus, I finally feel okay.

“See, I told you something bad was going to happen. Just drive away, please. Car still runs so just drive home. Pretend like you’re going to pull over but don’t.”


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